Have you ever had one of those days when it seems like the sky is falling and it is only hitting you? I have been having a lot of those days lately. What’s more frightening is I have been struggling to figure out why. Then I had an epiphany of sorts. In the darkness I found myself calling out “Me…where are you? Can you hear, Me? Are you there???” Yes, I lost “Me.”
Wait, no. Let’s be honest, here. I didn’t lose “Me.” I abandoned “Me.” Walking through this life wearing many hats and subscribing to many labels, I had lost my identity and began to take on the persona of what others around me expected I be and not what I expected of myself. But when the chips were down last week and I needed someone to be there for me, namely “Me”, I found myself unable to muster up the energy to soothe myself. I was ill-equipped to pep talk myself into carrying on, seeing the brighter side, and pressing on until tomorrow. I had nothing. And what was worse, when I tried to find some external support, they had nothing for me either. I wasn’t important to them because I hadn’t been important to myself. I had abandoned “Me.”
But I found her. Last night in my dreams I stumbled across her tattered and torn, tears streaming down her cheeks wondering if anyone would come find her and take her home. “Me”, I said, “Are you okay?” With the widest smiling eyes Me said “Yes because you came for me. Don’t ever forget me again.”
I have arrived at a valuable lesson. There is no harm in nurturing oneself for it is the only way we can continue to be able to nurture others. It is unfair to expect others to take care of you when you don’t take care of you. I abandoned me. I scarred me. I lost me. But now I am making my way back to me because I am rediscovering me and most importantly I love me!