I’m a recovering control freak! There, I said it. A few years ago, I would not have been able to see it, let alone admit. But today, in this moment, I am willing to own up to my controlling ways. I could chalk it up to being a “Type A” personality with a need to make sure everything is in order at all times. I could chalk up to being an overachiever with a need to be as near to perfection as I possibly can be.
Regardless of what is behind it, being a control freak is detrimental. It is detrimental to relationships. It is detrimental to me. But I have also discovered one another thing about being a control freak. It’s a cowards response to life. Let me elaborate a bit more on that. You can sum up the behavior of a coward in one word – scared. Cowards are scared to test themselves, push their boundaries and take risks. Cowards seek comfort in the known, the routine, the certain. Control freaks create the known, the routine, the certain. See the correlation between the two?
For most of my life, I have been a coward of sorts. I have relished in my ability to keep it together, conduct life in an organized manner, and be in control of every aspect of my life. I have been afraid to release whatever grasp of control I could exercise over things because something unexpected, unplanned for could happen. But what I have realized as of late is that in my efforts to maintain a firm grip of control, I was missing the life that was happening all around me. I realized the only way I could join that life was to let go.
To let go and have the courage to let life happen. As a much wiser version of myself, I can now appreciate the importance of this. I am saddened at times when I think of all of the things I missed out on while I was so fixated on maintaining control. But I can also admit that throwing caution to the wind takes an extraordinary amount of courage for someone like me. But I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I don’t want to run from life. I want to live each day with courage. Like sitting on the handlebars of a bike or holding my hands high above my head as I approach the top of the roller coaster, I am letting go. I am letting go and I am anticipating the unknown. I am welcoming the uncertain. I am accepting of the unplanned. Because I have the courage to let life happen.