Dear Precious Daughters:
I know this is a weekend where many will be showing their love and appreciation for their mothers. But I want to change it up a bit. I want to express my appreciation for you. You saved my life.
At the age of 18, I was on a self-destructive path. I was angry with my parents, my sister, myself. I wanted to hurt everyone. I wanted to live wild and free. I wanted to do me. Up to that point in life I had been a selfish, arrogant person. I spent most of my days looking down on people, being insensitive to their problems, living a life with no empathy. I thought I knew it all and would have it all. That all just didn’t include kids. I didn’t want them. I didn’t need them. And then it happened.
Through sheer irresponsibility, I became pregnant. My whole world changed and in the blink of an eye, I wanted you. Because while the rest of the world misunderstood me, I knew you would get me. Unsure of what to do and where to turn, I became firm in my resolve that I would have you and you would compliment not complicate my life. And that you did.
To my firstborn, you saved me from me. You came in to this world in dire circumstances, spending the first few days of your life in NICU. Though our time together, face to face, was mere days, I knew I couldn’t bear to live without you. Your spirit through it all was such a blessing to me. As you moved through that experience and I was able to take you home, you were the most beautiful child. You were easy to please, happy all the time. You brought so much joy and happiness to our family. You taught me how to love someone other than me. You saved my life.
To my second born, my baby, you were a bit more challenging. But you forced me to change my perceptions of the world and to care less and less about what others thought of me. You were a determined stubborn baby. You gave me a run for my money. Through you I could see me. I am proud you chose me to be your mom. You came in to the family and gave your dad and I the courage and kick we needed to do something great with our lives. You gave me the courage to humble myself and go back to school because I wanted to set a good example for you and your sister. You made me want more which led to me doing more. You saved my life.
Now you are both teenagers. One of you headed to college, the other headed to study abroad. When I think about how quickly our time as mommy and babies have gone, I get a little sad. But then I remember all of our times together. Me watching you grow and you teaching me how to love. I am happy and I am grateful for this wonderful life you have given me. At 18 I couldn’t see that I wanted you. But at 38 I can see that I needed you.
Thank you my beautiful daughters for saving my life.
Loving you forever,