Choosing Me

For years I have neglected myself.

Putting the needs of others farther ahead in life’s race.

Lying to myself, believing that it was the right thing to do.

All the while struggling to keep up the pace.

The pace of caring deeply for others.

Hoping to receive some care in return.

Holding my hands out for someone to pull me up.

Only to play with the fire of others ill intentions which left me burned.

You teach others how to treat you they say.

But what about do unto to others as you would have them do to you.

Trying to take the high road and treat others with the utmost respect,

Has always been my view.

But as the years have moved on and the struggles increase.

Others continue to weigh me down.

No longer am I covered in smiles,

Rather I am stuck with a somewhat permanent frown.

But I have no one but myself to blame,

Because I have neglected the one person in the world who loves me best.

I have made it okay to use me up.

How can I expect them to give me more when I give me less?

Choices have to be made about who takes first place.

About who I make a definitive priority.

My condolences to those who are going to get left behind.

But today I am choosing me.

Sugar – I’m Leaving You!

Sugar

Dear Sugar:

Where do I begin.  Our love affair is 35 years long .  It started with the lures of hard candy as a treat given to me by grandparents at every visit. My mother made you seem forbidden and painted you as a villain which made me want you more and more.

Cavities and threats of extensive dental work wasn’t enough to keep me away from you.  Excitement every time we visited the bank drive-thru was because I knew you would come to me in the form of those Dum-Dum lollipops.  Mom would let me have them thinking it was my every now and then treat.  Little did she know I overloaded on peppermints and strawberry candies every time I visited the grandparents.

Fast forward a few years, I couldn’t get enough of you in liquid form.  Soda was my new addiction, drinking it every time I could. Which one is better – Pepsi or Coke?  I didn’t know and I didn’t care as long as I had an unlimited supply to drink.  Then there was the “sugar added” foods – Pop Tarts, Frosted Flakes – you name it I ate it.  My metabolism was high and I thought I could afford to indulge, or should I say,  over indulge in you.  Boy would I soon learn that just wasn’t the case.

After having my children my health took a turn for the worse and you chose to be unkind to me.  You no longer worked with my metabolism, you worked against it.  Whenever I invited you into my life, you consistently brought friends.  Unwanted and uninvited friends.  Friends like extra weight, lethargy, more cravings, etc., etc., etc.  How could you do this to me?  More importantly, how could I let you do this to me?

Forget the what ifs and wishes of better decisions back then.  Today is a new day.  I don’t need you sugar.  Better yet, I don’t want you anymore.  I’m sorry but I’m leaving you.  Wait…I’m not sorry. You and your negative effects are no longer welcome in my world.  Have a nice life…because without you, I know I will.

Sincerely,

A Brand New Me!

Welcome To My New Section – Transformation

3771041918_9fd13021c5 (2)It’s been a while since I posted.  Alot has been going on in my life over the last few weeks.  My oldest daughter graduated high school.  My youngest daughter is preparing to go to France for her junior year in high school.  I am still getting adjusted to a new role as is my husband.  Our lives have taken quite the turn for the positive.  I have so much to be thankful for.  But somehow I keep losing site of that fact.  It’s a daily struggle to maintain that state of mine.

For the last 6 months or so I have been struggling physically.  Almost 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and have been battling the aftermath of surgery and treatment ever since.  I guess you could say for the last 9 years I have been in denial.  I thought taking my maintenance med every day was enough and I could move through life as I always had.  Hit or miss at the gym.  Watching what I ate whenever and throwing caution to the wind most days.  Pushing myself and not getting enough quality rest.  The list goes on and on.

I have had to learn the hard way that you cannot neglect your body the way that I have.  It may not be evident overnight, but the neglect will catch up to you.  Fast forward to the present time…I am waking up every morning with swollen hands and feet.  I have gained more weight than I care to disclose in the last 3 months.  I am just plain worn out, disgusted, disappointed, frustrated, etc., etc., etc.  But the big question is:  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?????

I am going to change.  But not overnight.  I realized that what got me to this point it a collection of things and so in order to transform and move away from my negative behaviors, I need to go through a process.  I have to change my thought processes.  I have to re-evaluate my relationship with food.  I have to gain an appreciation for consistency. I have to learn how to commit to a healthy lifestyle.  This is going to be tough….YES!  But I have no choice.  My body is telling me every day that my time for change is running out.

Now I know many people blog about weight loss and physical transformations.  This section of my blog will include some of that.  But more importantly, it will include the realness that goes along with the struggle.  All of the highs, lows, wins, losses, successes, failures and tears will be documented here.  I need this to hold me accountable.  No magic pills, potions or miracles.  Just good old-fashioned hard work.

My goal is to post every day about my journey.  It’s going to be hard at first because it’s not easy being vulnerable.  But that fear of vulnerability has to change to.  As Brene Brown puts it…I have to dare greatly to live and to change.  So that’s what I am going to do!