“When”sday

When I turn XX I am going to….. When I save $$ I plan to….. When I find Mr. Right I know I will…. When my kids get older I’ll finally be able to….. When I find out he is acting up I will… When my boss calls me in to her office I will… When I get back from vacation I will… When Monday get’s here I will…

WhenEverything is “when” as if there is some perfect moment to make a move, make change and be better. Like we must continue to cope with, put up with, deal with other people’s mess, fears, let downs limitations, expectations and make them our own. As if tomorrow presents a more favorable season than today.

Why not make today “When”sday???? ‪#‎perspectiveiseverything‬

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Forgive Yourself

How long are you going to let your past mistakes dictate your future? We all have done things we are not proud of. I’ll be the first to admit that I have made a number of missteps in my life and will continue to do so. I’m human and there is nothing wrong with that. The issues lies in never getting past those mistakes and never applying forgiveness to oneself.

Failure is a bruiseFailing to forgive oneself manifests itself in a number of ways in our lives. For some if manifests through the choices of life partners they make. For others is manifests through the treatment they accept from others. For some it manifests in the way they handle their finances. Yet for others it manifests in the effort, or lack thereof, they put into their mental, emotional and physical well-being.

The point is you cannot heal if you cannot first forgive yourself. If you don’t you will feel held back and you won’t understand why. Mistakes bruise our minds and hearts but time and forgiveness heals. Just like you wouldn’t continue to pick at or repeatedly hit a bruised area on your physical body, you shouldn’t keep re-bruising your mind and your heart lamenting over things you did wrong in the past. Learn from your missteps and move on. And if you’re not willing to do this, then be willing to accept that what you have in this moment is likely all you will ever get.

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Success

SuccessFar too often we get caught up in the social media hype of looking at everyone else’s highlights and envying their presumed station in life. I say, be less concerned about the surface of a person’s life and more concerned about the depth of your own. #thinkaboutit #perspectiveiseverything

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Why?

You’re in full swing, extra motivated as you travel this journey to a new and improved you.  You know what you want to accomplish, whether it’s to lose a few pounds, inches, tone some trouble areas, eat better or learn how to work out consistently.  It’s great you have set those goals for yourself but what’s most important is the why.  Not the “I want to fit into a bathing suit or a new pair of shorts” why but the “deep down, sentimental, heart wrenching” why.

I’m going to share mine.  It was November 2005 and I was at the peak of life.  My daughters were growing older and needed me less.  I had just finished my B.S. in Legal Studies the year before and had a promising career in a corporate legal office.  I was driven and knew I had so much more to offer so I decided I would take the LSAT (law school entrance exam) and go to law school. WhyI had it all mapped out.  And I did it.  I sat for the test, received my scores and by February of 2006, I decided to apply to a local law school.  Then came 10 pounds.

In March of 2006, I noticed I was overly tired for no reason.  My usual anal retentive self started to be less organized and driven.  Housework and chores started to slip.  I just wanted to sleep.  Then came 10 more pounds.  In April I had my yearly gyn appointment and my doctor suggested I see a specialist about my ever growing thyroid. In my mind I was like “here we go again.”  I had blood work done repeatedly and it always came back the same – normal. I told her I would think about.

In May, I received a new opportunity at another company with a 50% salary increase so I took it.  While shopping for new clothes for my prestigious new role, another 10 pounds came.  Wait…what is going on here????  Then I thought back to my conversation with my doctor and decided to move on her suggestion.  I set up an appointment at a world-class teaching hospital but had to wait months to be seen.  “No big deal” I thought.  It’s nothing serious.

Fast forward to September – first visit with the endocrinologist.  First the student examined me.  Then the real professional came in.  “Swallow” he said.  “Hmph”, was his reply.  Then he said he needed me to go for an ultrasound right away.  He explained that he felt four nodules throughout my thyroid and that he needed to rule out something serious.

Now, I am a “cup half full” kind of girl so I sashayed my way to the radiology department to set up the appointment. A week later, I was laid flat on a table with a technician and radiologist looking at the pictures on the screen, making funny noises and talking about my nodules.  It was all but confirmed that I had thyroid cancer but I would need to come back for a biopsy.  Wait, what???

I won’t belabor the rest of the details but a week later I found out I had malignant papillary thyroid carcinoma and two weeks after that I had my thyroid removed.  During the course of that ordeal, I had to stop and ask myself how I got to that point in my life.  I reflected on all the things I may miss in my kids lives if it I couldn’t be treated.  It was then that I slowly started to realize my why.  Accepting it has been a struggle but I am finally at a place of sharing it and working with it.  So here is my why:

Because I know what it feels like to waste precious moments not knowing if you will get any more chances to make memories and to leave a lasting impact on this world.  My ability to help others feel good about themselves starts with me feeling good about myself.

So there you have it…that’s my why. It’s not flashy or over complicated but is meaningful to me.  What’s yours?

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Somebody

Somebody’s been lying to you.

They told you that you were different,

And that you’re different made you less,

And that you’re less made you a useless mess.

Somebody’s been lying to you.

They told you no one could love you.

That everyone else is normal and above you.

Which led to you undervaluing you.

Somebody’s been lying to you.

They told you to apologize for who you are,

Because who you are isn’t quite right enough.

And that maybe if you fight enough,

One day you might just be worthy of acceptance and validation.

Somebody’s been lying to you.

Making you feel like you don’t belong.

Making you feel like your life is all wrong.

Making you feel like you’re weak when you are obviously so strong.

Guess who’s been lying to you?

Who’s been making tears well up in your eyes?

And telling you all kinds of lies?

About the value you bring to this life?

YOU have been lying to you.

You tried lying to me to.

But I’m not buying what you’re selling.

In fact from the rooftops I’m yelling…

“YOU IS KIND.

YOU IS SMART

YOU IS IMPORTANT.”

So stop lying to you

Because no matter how often you do.

The lies you tell yourself…

WILL NEVER BE TRUE!