Broken Glass

brokenA broken glass is of no use. In fact it’s dangerous. The sharp edges can cut you and others, potentially leaving a deep wound. Ask yourself…am I a broken glass??? ‪#‎perspectiveiseverything‬

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Hello, July!

As I take time to reflect on the fact that 2016 is half over, I get a little discouraged.  All those things I set out to do at the beginning of the year…well most of them still remain undone and I feel like my time is running out.  The enthusiasm I had in January is no more.  Then I ran across an article that characterized July as the new January.  Wait…I like that!

July is the new JanJuly is the new January in the sense that it is the perfect time to reassess, reevaluate and regroup on my goals.  I don’t have to dread the fact that the year is half over.  Instead I can view it as I still have more time to accomplish what I set out to do in 2016.  So instead of dreading July, I welcome it.  Hello, July!  Let’s begin again!

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Forgive Yourself

How long are you going to let your past mistakes dictate your future? We all have done things we are not proud of. I’ll be the first to admit that I have made a number of missteps in my life and will continue to do so. I’m human and there is nothing wrong with that. The issues lies in never getting past those mistakes and never applying forgiveness to oneself.

Failure is a bruiseFailing to forgive oneself manifests itself in a number of ways in our lives. For some if manifests through the choices of life partners they make. For others is manifests through the treatment they accept from others. For some it manifests in the way they handle their finances. Yet for others it manifests in the effort, or lack thereof, they put into their mental, emotional and physical well-being.

The point is you cannot heal if you cannot first forgive yourself. If you don’t you will feel held back and you won’t understand why. Mistakes bruise our minds and hearts but time and forgiveness heals. Just like you wouldn’t continue to pick at or repeatedly hit a bruised area on your physical body, you shouldn’t keep re-bruising your mind and your heart lamenting over things you did wrong in the past. Learn from your missteps and move on. And if you’re not willing to do this, then be willing to accept that what you have in this moment is likely all you will ever get.

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I Can’t…

I can’t understand why you find it hard to believe that someone like me could be better than you.

I can’t understand why you think the kink of my hair means it’s impossible for someone like me to do the job that you do.

I can’t understand how you think it’s okay to snicker, point fingers and jeer as I walk by.

I can’t understand why you can’t understand that your ignorance doesn’t make me moan, groan or sigh.

You can’t understand how I could love myself – strong, black and beautiful as can be.

You can’t understand that instead of poking fun you should be trying to surround yourself with people like me.

You can’t understand the breadth of my knowledge, the depth of my heart and the span of my will.

You can’t understand why you can’t break me down and why my dreams you will never be able to kill.

I can’t understand why you waste your time making me to center point of your disdain.

I can’t understand why you have yet to learn that you don’t phase me and you’re wasting time all in vain.

I can’t entertain your level of thought and  your ignorance is something I cannot reduce myself to understand.

You can’t understand how I rise above, continue to climb all while living authentically.

It doesn’t matter if you can’t understand it because I can.

It feels good to be alive

I am almost afraid to say it…but why not? I FEEL GOOD!!!! Not the “fairy-tale nothing in the world can bring me down” good.The realistic today will have it’s challenges but I feel better than I did yesterday” kind of good. feels good to be aliveThis last week has been challenging physically, mentally, and emotionally. Routine is my everything and I haven’t one because I have been at the mercy of my body. And while I am still far from 100% and can’t fully immerse myself back into my full routine…there are pieces of it that are fulfilling and that today, I actually feel like picking back up. So that’s why I am posting today’s quote. Because living is a process that begins again each day with one small thing – we open our eyes. With the right perspective, everything after that what we make of it. Here’s to taking it slow, finding joy in the small things and appreciating EVERYTHING.

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Believing in Your Own Hype

25727109780_1b1f1f4609That’s not true because…hmph.  A strange but true concept.  My inner pessimist is weighing heavy on my outer optimist.  An internal war of sorts and negativity has been winning.  But not anymore. It all stops today.  Well, maybe tomorrow. Actually, I don’t know if it will ever stop but I’ll keep telling myself it will.

One day I logged in to my company’s intranet site and saw a blog post by our CEO.  It was thought provoking to say the least.  The question he posed was “have you found what
matter?”  What bothered me the most about the questions was I couldn’t immediately answer.  I managed to craft a nice response in which I made reference to our values.  But after hitting send I realized two things: (1) I didn’t answer the questions; and (2) I didn’t answer it because I didn’t believe in my own hype.

“Hype” is a fascinating term.  It can take on various meanings.  It can mean to be full of it.  Or it can mean to boost something or someone up.  My use of the term takes on the later meaning.  I love to hype those around me.  I hate the thought of someone being down when I know I am capable of picking them up.  Knowing just what to say is a gift of sorts.  A gift I can always seem to give everyone but myself.  I can “fix” others around me even if only temporarily but I cannot seem to avoid staying broken.

I know I am not the only “me” out there.  I know there are others who are great at being someone else’s “hype” man and who fail miserably at hyping themselves.  So I decided to share my journey to becoming my own hype man in hopes of helping others.  My hope is to help others do a few things:

(1) Acknowledge that it is okay to have these feelings;

(2) Get out of your own emotional way; and

(3) Find small ways to be your own hype man so you can feel as great about yourself as you make others feel about themselves.

It’s that simple.  Not rocket science.  No PhD required.  Just an open mind and open heart.  Follow me with this in mind and I promise to do the same as I put “pen” to paper.

Next up…”How I Got Into the Hype Business”….

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PM Reflections: Owning Up To What I Did

As a teenage mom. I had the best of intentions when I decided to have m daughter.  I didn’t have a lot to give her.  But I did have lots of love or so I thought.  When she was born, she was a bright spot in my life and taught me to be selfless.  She made me grow up and see the world differently.  I could love her…or so I thought.

Fast forward a year later when I so desperately wanted her to have her father in her life.  I forced the issue and made hasty decision to create the ideal family unit I thought she deserved.  We loved her…or so we thought.  Two teenagers or babies, so to speak, we were ill equipped to deal with the stresses of parenthood. And instead of battling the problem, we battled each other.  We loved each other…or so we thought.

I was raised in a similar tumultuous environment and I made out okay…or so I thought. Years later, I realize that my childhood left me unable to love, I mean really, really love.  I can’t recall my parents being nurturing, kissing my boo boos, hugging me or telling me they loved me.  Yeah, they may have wrote in a card, implied it with gifts or money for good grades but they rarely said those words to each other let alone to me.  Is that what love looks like? That’s what I thought.

So now I am am responsible for another life and I repeated all of the things I was taught.  I loved through deed but rarely reaffirmed it in words.  Thinking back today, I am torn up inside at the thought that my daughter may not have felt the love she desired and desperately wanted. What’s worse, my neglectful parenting has culminated into my daughter suffering from illness of the mind.   I feel so guilty.  I feel so responsible.  How could I do this to her.  How could I neglect her heart like this?  How could I hurt her mind?

I can’t erase the past and I can’t change anything that I have done.  All I can do now is own up to what I did or didn’t do.  I have forever impacted another life and for that I am truly sorry.  I only hope my daughter will welcome me on her journey to healing and that I can love her. Really love her. Not think I love her but know I love  her. And the apologies of my mind and of my heart have to become apologies that she can hear. 

As parents we are not always right.  As parents we often fail. And when we do, the greatest gift we can give our children is owning up to what we did.  That is when healing can begin.