It feels good to be alive

I am almost afraid to say it…but why not? I FEEL GOOD!!!! Not the “fairy-tale nothing in the world can bring me down” good.The realistic today will have it’s challenges but I feel better than I did yesterday” kind of good. feels good to be aliveThis last week has been challenging physically, mentally, and emotionally. Routine is my everything and I haven’t one because I have been at the mercy of my body. And while I am still far from 100% and can’t fully immerse myself back into my full routine…there are pieces of it that are fulfilling and that today, I actually feel like picking back up. So that’s why I am posting today’s quote. Because living is a process that begins again each day with one small thing – we open our eyes. With the right perspective, everything after that what we make of it. Here’s to taking it slow, finding joy in the small things and appreciating EVERYTHING.

Photo Credit:  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/414260865699853262/

An Open Letter to My Thyroid Doctor

DSC_0007I am almost 10 years out from having thyroid cancer, yet this last year has been like the first.  I have more half used bottles of medication than I care to have in my cabinet. I have wasted countless dollars on co-payments just so you can tell me “the dose I wrote the script for last time is no longer working so you’ll have to get another prescription filled?”  Really??? Do you treat your other patients with the same lax level of care as you treat me?

Last week I came to you because I know my body and I know when it is off.  After I weighed in considerably heavier than my visit several weeks back, you had the audacity to tell me my weight wasn’t that bad.  How about you let me, my knees, lower back and the rest of my joints be the judge of that.  Then you proceeded to pepper me with your standard list of questions about my eating habits, whether I worked out, and if I was taking my medicine on an empty stomach every morning 30 minutes before eating.  Remember the part about being 10 years out??? I have been dealing with this for a long time so I am insulted when you insinuate that I am the reason why my body is betraying me yet again.

But I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.  I humbly asked to take you up on your offer to see a nutritionist  who, by the way, can’t even see my until a month from now.  You obliged all the while writing what you really thought in my chart.  Guess you didn’t think I actually read the notes you put on my summary document because if you did, then you clearly wouldn’t have written “obesity due to excessive caloric intake.” Wait…what???? Did you even listen to me as I poured my heart out to you about all the other symptoms I am experiencing in addition to weight gain?   The dry skin, increased anxiety, mood changes, sleeplessness, hoarseness, etc. Yeah, you halfheartedly ordered more blood work but your notes tell me you didn’t believe me.  Your disbelief tells me you don’t really care.

I just wish you would be honest and tell me “I don’t know” or “I am at a loss for what to do for you.”  I could respect that more.  What I don’t respect is you not hearing me and you allowing your bias to assume that I am my problem.  No, not having my thyroid anymore is the problem.  The meds I have to take to keep my cancer away is the problem.  You assuming that bad habits are contributing to my situation is the problem.

Well, in spite of all your training and medical degrees I decline to be subjected to your ego any further.  You may be an expert in some things but you are by far no expert in me.

Sincerely,

A Thyroid Cancer Survivor Who Has Had Enough.

 

Photo Credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/67923086@N02/6306512682″>02_2 free UseAsDirectedMedBottle</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

 

 

My Transformation – Why?

I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support since announcing my decision to invest in my health and well-being as a coach. I am amazed at the encouragement and votes of confidence I have received from many!

Now you might be wondering why someone who is currently enjoying a measure of success and satisfaction from her “day” job is doing this.  I’ll tell you… They are pictured here.PhotoGrid_1457661076430.jpg

My beautiful daughters and the circle of lovely women I am a part of. The last year has been a struggle physically and emotionally. I leaned on my support system,  asking them to give me more than I was willing to give myself. All of the neglect I heaved on my body…i knew it was time for a change. And I realized that the same way I can inspire others with my words,  I should be inspiring them with my deeds. I want to be here and to be healthy for my girls. I want to set the example that no matter what you should never neglect yourself and you should never neglect to help others along the way!

 

Sugar – I’m Leaving You!

Sugar

Dear Sugar:

Where do I begin.  Our love affair is 35 years long .  It started with the lures of hard candy as a treat given to me by grandparents at every visit. My mother made you seem forbidden and painted you as a villain which made me want you more and more.

Cavities and threats of extensive dental work wasn’t enough to keep me away from you.  Excitement every time we visited the bank drive-thru was because I knew you would come to me in the form of those Dum-Dum lollipops.  Mom would let me have them thinking it was my every now and then treat.  Little did she know I overloaded on peppermints and strawberry candies every time I visited the grandparents.

Fast forward a few years, I couldn’t get enough of you in liquid form.  Soda was my new addiction, drinking it every time I could. Which one is better – Pepsi or Coke?  I didn’t know and I didn’t care as long as I had an unlimited supply to drink.  Then there was the “sugar added” foods – Pop Tarts, Frosted Flakes – you name it I ate it.  My metabolism was high and I thought I could afford to indulge, or should I say,  over indulge in you.  Boy would I soon learn that just wasn’t the case.

After having my children my health took a turn for the worse and you chose to be unkind to me.  You no longer worked with my metabolism, you worked against it.  Whenever I invited you into my life, you consistently brought friends.  Unwanted and uninvited friends.  Friends like extra weight, lethargy, more cravings, etc., etc., etc.  How could you do this to me?  More importantly, how could I let you do this to me?

Forget the what ifs and wishes of better decisions back then.  Today is a new day.  I don’t need you sugar.  Better yet, I don’t want you anymore.  I’m sorry but I’m leaving you.  Wait…I’m not sorry. You and your negative effects are no longer welcome in my world.  Have a nice life…because without you, I know I will.

Sincerely,

A Brand New Me!

Welcome To My New Section – Transformation

3771041918_9fd13021c5 (2)It’s been a while since I posted.  Alot has been going on in my life over the last few weeks.  My oldest daughter graduated high school.  My youngest daughter is preparing to go to France for her junior year in high school.  I am still getting adjusted to a new role as is my husband.  Our lives have taken quite the turn for the positive.  I have so much to be thankful for.  But somehow I keep losing site of that fact.  It’s a daily struggle to maintain that state of mine.

For the last 6 months or so I have been struggling physically.  Almost 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and have been battling the aftermath of surgery and treatment ever since.  I guess you could say for the last 9 years I have been in denial.  I thought taking my maintenance med every day was enough and I could move through life as I always had.  Hit or miss at the gym.  Watching what I ate whenever and throwing caution to the wind most days.  Pushing myself and not getting enough quality rest.  The list goes on and on.

I have had to learn the hard way that you cannot neglect your body the way that I have.  It may not be evident overnight, but the neglect will catch up to you.  Fast forward to the present time…I am waking up every morning with swollen hands and feet.  I have gained more weight than I care to disclose in the last 3 months.  I am just plain worn out, disgusted, disappointed, frustrated, etc., etc., etc.  But the big question is:  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?????

I am going to change.  But not overnight.  I realized that what got me to this point it a collection of things and so in order to transform and move away from my negative behaviors, I need to go through a process.  I have to change my thought processes.  I have to re-evaluate my relationship with food.  I have to gain an appreciation for consistency. I have to learn how to commit to a healthy lifestyle.  This is going to be tough….YES!  But I have no choice.  My body is telling me every day that my time for change is running out.

Now I know many people blog about weight loss and physical transformations.  This section of my blog will include some of that.  But more importantly, it will include the realness that goes along with the struggle.  All of the highs, lows, wins, losses, successes, failures and tears will be documented here.  I need this to hold me accountable.  No magic pills, potions or miracles.  Just good old-fashioned hard work.

My goal is to post every day about my journey.  It’s going to be hard at first because it’s not easy being vulnerable.  But that fear of vulnerability has to change to.  As Brene Brown puts it…I have to dare greatly to live and to change.  So that’s what I am going to do!